


Wish We Could Become Better Strangers

by lawyerdonut



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Gen, Guilt, Keyblade: No Name (Kingdom Hearts), Monologue, Post-Canon, Regret, angry crying, stage directions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:27:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23439955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawyerdonut/pseuds/lawyerdonut
Summary: Following the events of KH3, but before the epilogue, Xigbar realizes he doesn't want to do this anymore.He decides to talk to the Master.TW: Alcohol Abuse
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	Wish We Could Become Better Strangers

[ _ Lights up on Xigbar, holding No Name. He sets the keyblade on a dresser and begins talking to the Gazing Eye, like he’s done this a million times before. _ ]

Hey, Master. Nice to talk to you. Or at you, I guess.

The castle is quiet now. Every other member of the real Organization either died or defected to their previous human forms. Not that I care. I’m just buying time until I can awaken the Foretellers again.

It’s strange, walking these empty halls. There aren’t any extra Nobodies, either. Just me and this enormous, cold castle.

Most days aren’t too bad. I look through Xemnas’s old stuff a lot. That guy kept a ton of documentation on all of us. Vexen had some pretty cool junk in his lab, like this one machine that just turns pages for you. 

[ _ He smiles and laughs bitterly. _ ]

Even though I’m technically a human now, I don’t feel like one. Must be the crippling loneliness from living for thousands of years. Don’t you feel the same, Master?

[ _ He has a glass of some kind of cheap alcohol. It’s half empty already. _ ]

Nah. ‘Course you don’t. You walked out on us. Walked out on your six little apprentices and went to do your own thing.

You looked after us for years, man. I considered you my father. Pretty sure all of us did.

[ _ He takes a sip, winces, and continues. _ ]

Why did you leave? So you could talk to Xehanort? Real clever of you. Why are you doing any of this? Huh?

I wouldn’t put it past you to do all of this just because you could. You planned this out, all of it. I don’t even know what you want to do with the friggin’ box. I just did what I was told because I’m an idiot that followed your stupid orders. Because I believed that you would take care of me. I thought you would help me. I thought I would become someone.

I did all of this, hopped from body to body for thousands of years, just to realize that, wow, maybe you weren’t as trustworthy as I imagined. Never, not once, did you help me out.

Not when Ansem killed me, not when Sora killed me, not when the stupid Guardians of Light killed me. You didn’t come to my rescue.

Do you understand the toll that living for a thousand years takes on a person? No, you don’t, because you time travel to anywhere you feel like going!

I was so deluded that I fought my own  _ sister _ . I nearly killed Ava. I started a war because of you.

[ _ He sighs, looks away, and finishes the glass. _ ]

I never used to like alcohol. Now it feels like it’s the only thing I drink. Helps me forget about all of this.

[ _ He looks at the glass, turns, and throws it. It shatters against the wall. _ ]

I want you to know,  _ Master _ , that I hate you. I hate your guts. The only reason I’m still going through with this whole thing is so I can blast you to pieces when I see you again.

I won’t forgive you. No matter what you decide to do with the box. I don’t care if you give me complete world domination.

[ _ A few tears roll down his cheek. He’s getting angrier. _ ]

You took everything away from me. You forced me to live out this, this  _ fantasy _ that did nothing but hurt me and the people around me. I never got to be a real person. Thousands of years, being your puppet.

[ _ He takes a shaky breath and smoothes his hair. _ ]

I thought Sora would fix all of this. Thought he’d finally finish me off in the graveyard. Not for one second did I think I would become human again.

Those few seconds before I hit the ground, that was bliss. I thought I was free. 

Then I woke back up in this nightmare.

I still hate you when I’m not drunk. I just don’t have the guts to say anything. 

[ _ Xigbar holds up a bottle. He turns it upside down. Nothing comes out. He smiles and throws a shirt over the Gazing Eye. His voice echoes in the blackout. _ ]

I won’t be remembering this one tomorrow. 

**Author's Note:**

> Just to clear some things up, this is not meant to romanticize alcohol abuse! I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
